EDGE

Yippee! I have an appointment with the specialist genetic neurologist at Queens Square, but until then I can work on my balance and co-ordination.

This morning I tried walking while juggling. I set myself the game of walking while juggling to a tree some 35 yards away. I was deeply rubbish-throwing balls all over, losing balance etc. 

But when I was expecting myself to be good I was setting myself up for disappointment, fatalism why bother and giving up, when I observed what I was doing I could continue- I was outside my safety zone- i know if I stand still i can be reasonably sure of keeping 3 ball juggling going, but if I try walking and juggling I am crap at both- my sense of balance and co-ordination are completely thrown and I am bad at both.

 So I could make up a rule that ‘it is wrong to try walking while juggling’ ... but rules (like scientific theories) only work until proved wrong. Meanwhile, by proving that rule wrong, not only am I learning to manage my condition, I am also carving a story of how I learn.  

To walk while juggling is (for me) a step outside what I  know I can do, what I feel comfortable doing and  that means loss of control.

It is a story of  me and the world around me, the ebb and flow between what I can do, what I feel safe in, what I control, and  the world around me, gravity, fate, chance whatever and how that changes and develops. 

The story is  setting myself a goal ( to go to the tree), keeping going  and observing what I do. 

The story tells of  ways to improve- doing things again and again works but only if you stay awake alert and questioning while you repeat- keeping going while keeping awake. Beware! repetition can hypnotise and send you to sleep. So yes-  REPEAT AND STAY AWAKE!

But maybe that is why people find sport so engrossing: each sport has its rules and skills, yet it is played afresh each time. It is exciting when the players are alive, playing with what they can do, showing what they can do, showing what they feel safe in, surprising  themselves  and the world around them, playing with control and lack of control, and that is the game