Friday, 9 February 2018

Isn’t it a bit spooky that the Round Reading Room at the centre of the British Museum. one of the most spectacular places in London, lies empty locked and unused?
Apparently many young people now are not interested in the past. They see it as irrelevant.
I spoke to a man sitting at a desk, a museum employee at  the membership desk yards from the  Reading Room and talked to him. He said it had been closed for years. He didn't know what was happening to it. He talked as if it wasn’t there. There were thousands of people, mainly tourists in the museum, yards from the Reading Room, walking round its outside walls.
Its huge, the centre of the Great Court, its circular form the inspiration for the design of the roof, the centre of the museum, you cannot miss it, yet it is as if it is not there. Empty, locked and unused

Very very very strange.

Thursday, 8 February 2018

kinds of Knowing , kinds of Doing

Does the amount the amount of data around, which enables experts and policy makers to see the big pictures hinder on-the -spot decision making?  and discount more hands on/sensory knowledge
Thinking of reading reports on news websites of global views on food distribution child slavery and seed production after working on my own dox about rules for performance w'shops and wondering how much constantly seeing big picture means reliance on data, distance and an imagined ‘objectivity’ .
Maybe things that happen on a smaller, more immediate level are missed.
Specifically body work which  essentially is sensory small experiential and intuitive vs data which essentially is big and head/brain/thought orientated. Out of date Descartes debate, between head and body needs to be eliminated so thought and direct bodily response are brought closer together but Kahneman’s two kinds of thinking: system 1( intuitive, fast) & 2( rational, slow) thinking.which is prevslent now seems to favour system 2 thinking.

I try to get the big picture of the multiple projects I have (stories film songs poems, etc) and in the end find myself getting daunted by the totality and can’t concentrate on any of them, yet if I get immersed in thinking about any one project I get excited at the possibilities and have ideas within it but lose the big picture.

There is loss of power to do with losing the over view- manager’s worry! maybe its just anxiety - getting absorbed in one project may take attention away from trying to maintain and control the overview but nothin gets completed unless you do

Monday, 15 January 2018


Old printers in Venice in the early days of printing had a motto- FESTINA LENTE (translated: HURRY SLOWLY.)
At first glance a contradictory and nonsensical motto but when was doing purely rational? 
A recognition of the painstaking and precise work needed to prepare a book for printing and recognition of deadlines and need to get things finished. 
It seems a sound attitood to most things.

Sunday, 14 January 2018

Hanging in there

As I get older I am less inclined to judge other  directors/creators aesthetically- I used to be very harsh on others work but now I recognise and applaud the way they have stayed working. The longer one stays in the making performance/theatre game the more it displays  a passion for the work as an only option- you do it for love of your craft. The'we' becomes more important than the competitive 'I'  and respect for having chosen to hang in there, in spite of everything. It's a stance to the world of ‘that’s what I am’ and  craft and experiences merge with to lessen aesthetic differences

Saturday, 13 January 2018

Ataxia, reality and humour

Since my diagnosis with Ataxia I have been connected with the Ataxia community  through online digests etc. I like and want to be with the bravery the humour, the can do spirit of the Ataxic community- that’s exciting and energising, but unfortunately because of gloomy medical prognosis there is a lot of the atmosphere of depression and dependence about it -but you gotta take the rough with the smooth . There is a lot of superficial feel good about it and also superficial feel bad. Almost .. but the brave funny spirits win!?(   But then we are all gonna die someday. Woops) How to be positive yet admit dark truths at the same time. That’s where the jokes are...

Friday, 12 January 2018

Why does putting crucial things to do in a list make them less crucial? I have lots of VERY IMPORTANT things to do otherwise my life becomes dysfunctional. I write them down.
I look at my to do list and all becomes  a blur. The act of putting them in a list is NOT getting them done. It’s an illusion- it’s just a bit of organisation and the organisation removes the anxiety and urgency. Putting things in a list starts to remove any sense of needing to get the thing done before moving on to the crucial things ... Maybe this is just playing with putting felt things into words - unnecessarily nit picky and complex this articulating of feelings, putting feelings into words- maybe that is the myth of our culture up to now- that if a feeling is articulated, put into words that it’s ok, it’s rationalised. Maybe to a future generation, whose language has evolved visually through emojis pictures gifs memes etc, ( and other ways we have not imagined yet) our  reliance on the word will seem hopelessly naive, and deluded. Or language will be a combination of visual and verbal- words are pretty good and the ancient Egyptians found heiroglyphics limiting. I ramble...

Monday, 8 January 2018

I used to believe in high art,
honing your craft,
but theatah even if its beautiful is all narcisism bravado trickery laughs and bums on seats,
Performance is low low low.